Do’s and Don’ts that will keep the relationship between the bartender and bar patron running smoothly.
I cannot take credit for this: My friend sent this to me and I laughed so hard at the honesty!!
Someone once pointed out to me the fact that there seems to be a micro-economy in the service industry. Restaurant workers take their tip money out to bars and clubs at night and give it to the bartenders, who promptly return it to the waiters and waitresses the next day at lunch. The cycle is almost self-sufficient and is mutually beneficial. Knowing the pain of waiting on customers, each group tips the other well and never raises a fuss. These people do not need to be educated. The rest of you do.
Many of us have stood in a noisy, crowded bar and asked, "What’s a guy got to do to get a drink around here?" Well, you’re about to find out. Here are some Do’s and Don’ts that will keep the relationship between the bartender and bar patron running smoothly.
DON’TS
Fail to have your money ready or know what you want
We’re waiting on you. Everyone else is waiting on us. Therefore, by the Transitive Property of Equality, everyone is waiting on you. Rule #1: Have your shit together. Not only will following Rule #1 get you served quicker in a bar, it’s a good general rule to adopt in life and is especially helpful in Central American border crossing scenarios.
Whistle
This is an absolute No-No. You whistle at dogs and pretty ladies, not people.
Wave money
Oh, you’ve got a dollar!! I’ll be right over!! Hopefully I won’t break an ankle in my fevered rush to get you your "curz lite." Well, at least you’re not breaking the next rule.
Yell out the bartender’s first name
There’s something deeply psychologically disturbing about hearing your name called out, turning around and seeing a complete stranger. That’s one of the reasons strippers use stage names. Bartender’s do too. Mine is Pixie.
Say "make it strong!" or "put a lot of liquor in it"
Oh, you’re one of the rare drinkers that like their drink strong! When you say this, you’re assuming I make weak drinks (which is insulting) and you’re assuming that I’ll stiffen this one up for my new best buddy, you. This is the best way to get a weak drink.
Give the ever-expanding drink order
You want a Bud. I go get it. I come back and now you want a Margarita. Okay, no prob. I come back, and (oh yeah!) now you want a shot of Tequila, too. You really could have told us this all at once. See Rule #1.
Pull the redirect (or the bait ‘n’ switch)
Usually used after the money wave or the whistle, this is when the gentlemen passes his turn to the lady behind him. Yeah, um, don’t do that, okay? Chances are she’s not ready, and your weak attempt at chivalry just cost you your turn. See you in 30 minutes.
Try the confused, lost look
This is usually accompanied by the question "What kind of beer y’all got?" while looking at all the beers we have. You did know you were in a bar, right? You didn’t just appear here, did you? Refer to Rule #1.
Order High Maintenance shooters
Example: "Lemme get an Alabama Slammer, a Red Snapper, two Kamikazes, a Buttery Nipple and a Lemon Drop." Usually followed by a small tip. People, these shooters are fine by themselves, but there are multiple steps involved with each one. Translation: Time Sink. You may get them this time, but you’ll probably be waited on last the next time we see your face. Here’s a clue as to whether or not you’re high maintenance; if two bartenders are working and they see you, and they flip a coin and the loser comes over to take your order, pretty good chance you’re high maintenance.
Assume we know you’re in the band
We know, we know, you’re gonna be really famous, but you’re not there yet, tiger. Tell us you’re in the band and which band you’re in. By the way, if you are in a band and get free/reduced drink prices, feel free to tip, as most bartenders are also in bands! It’s not like we don’t know how it is. Oh, and our bands will smoke your band.
Assume we know you, period
Unless you’ve followed the first "Do" rule below, we don’t remember you. You are one of a thousand faces for us, and when you point at an empty glass or a beer bottle that’s invariably facing away from us, your attempt at a shortcut backfires. Tell us what you want.
Apologize for sucking
Don’t apologize for not tipping. Acknowledging that you suck is not the same as not sucking. Oh, and don’t say "I’ll get ya next time." We know all about you.
Assume soft drinks are free
Are they free at McDonald’s? Are they free at Wal-Mart? Are they free anywhere? I blame M.A.D.D. for this myth.
Give pennies and nickels as a tip
We don’t want that crap in our pockets any more than you do. We don’t have anything smaller than quarters. Have you ever ordered a drink that cost $3.17?
Be "The Microbrew Aficionado"
Usually a pseudo-hippy who can’t tip a quarter but can’t bring himself to drink "schwag," and who has to sample some new berry-wheat-harvest-ale that he heard about at Burning Man. "Do you have the new Vernal-Equinox Special Welcome-Fest?" "Does Anyone?" Here’s your Newcastle. Go.
Be "The Daddy Warbucks"
Dressed in classic day-trader wear, this loud, boisterous guy smokes cigars and orders Martinis and generally exudes an air of money. Until the tip. We hate you.
Be a "Whiney Baby"
Under no circumstances should you ever whine to a bartender when asked to see your ID. Our jobs depend on them, and when we spot a fake/expired ID, don’t argue; we’ve seen and heard it all a million times before, and it will get you absolutely nowhere. If you "don’t have one" or "forgot it," forget it; you don’t belong out on the town in the first place. That’s the law, plain and simple. If we don’t have the law, the terrorists win. You don’t want the terrorists to win, do you? Bring your ID. Remember Rule #1, from a minute ago?
DO’S
Tip
Tip heavy right off the bat, and you’re the first person we aim for every time you come up to the bar. Did you get that? Go back and read it again. The word will spread to the other bartenders and you’ll be treated like a prince. It will pay off in better drinks and the occasional free one.
Be patient
All you really need to do to get waited on is make eye contact. We see you, and we’ll get to you before the guy right next to you waving money and whistling. Remember, this isn’t insulin we’re passing out here. If you really need the drink that bad, you’ve got a problem to address, Jack. The meek shall inherit the bar.
Shower and brush your teeth
We can smell you. This also goes for the guy who wears way-too-much-cologne. Don’t try to hug me and get your smelly Brut-Stetson-Armani all over me. I wear my own favorite scent and want to smell like it, not yours. Respect my space. As in life, this goes far.
If this comes across as a little petty, remember: bartenders are a jaded lot.
Comments
I agree with the teenagers/college kids not bringing cash with them!Bastards!Do you know how many times i get asked”do you have an ATM in here?”ITS A FREAKING RESTAURANT EINSTIEN!
There was one more thing that was left out.I hate it when cheap ass people give you half cash and they tell you to put the other half on their charge card,why?,because thats their way of beating the system!For example,if the bill is 60 and they give you 30 cash and the rest on credit,they want you to think that theyre giving you 20%on the charge,so theyll leave you 6 dollars which equals 10%! when it shouldve been 10-12 dollars!
And to the person who posted under the name “guessed”,you obviously were never a server,so you shouldnt have any say in this but you are entitled to free speech.The reason “servers bitch about the job”is cause of people like the one i just described.You told the other person”if you dont like your job,theres others that pay better”NEWS FLASH!Those better job are the ones you have to go to school for!A good majority of severs are making their way through school by serving.How do they expect to pay for school and rent IF THEYRE GETTING SHITTY TIPS?!?!Financial aid helps but doesnt cover everything,no even government grants.You are probably like those corporate type jerks,that go into a restaurant on their cell phone for like an hour and then start doing”homework”for your company before you even order anything.Youre a business man,right?Do you know how much the cost of living has gone up?!(gas,rent,food!),the post was right.this isnt the 60s,70s,or 80s anymore,its 2008.Bottom line IF PEOPLE KNEW HOW TO TIP RIGHT,WE WOULDNT BE BITCHING!…NUFF SAID!
you could also add large parties trying to pay with like 10 different credit cards…it’s like people think you have all night to sit there and do their math…”we want one fitth on this card, two fifths on this card..etc…) I’m sure we have all dealt with that bullshit before!!!
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could get Oprah to read this to her guests? Her demographic is ours as well (ick), and after all, they are the ones with the money and spending the money, if poorly.
Re: groups with credit cards vs. cash
Can’t speak for everyone, but where I work (near suburbia Chicago), where groups of women come in, sit and chat, nibble yet drink like sailors, and act surprised when they get the bill! As if they didn’t expect to have to pay it, or maybe secretly hoping that just one of them would take the responsibility and pay for the entire thing! So, that’s when the “fun” begins. They stupidly try to figure out how to divide the bill amongst 5 or 6, Hello! Basic math. Then inevitably, one or two will have cash, yet we’ll have to split 3 cards evenly after applying the cash to the bill. In other words, lose the tip!
I finally learned after going out in groups (ick) that IF you have cash, present the portion that YOU owe only. Hold onto the tip until everyone has put in THEIR portion of the bill. AFTER dividing the bill, then and only then, does one designated responsible person who knows basic math, that person can tell each person what to leave for their portion of the tip. It’s a really simple procedure, yet others try to scam. I went out ONCE with a girlfriend and she paid with her card and I gave her my half with a 40% tip (service was really good!). This girl had the nerve to apply it all to the bill, then put her tiny portion on it, and only tipped on her portion. Luckily I caught it, but I got screwed because I wound up putting more cash in to make up for her stupidity. And this girl actually worked in a bar at the time. Maybe it was the alcohol we were drinking, but that was bad! That’s why I now present bills to the one who looks the most responsible at tables, and then when they do that split shit, I correct them about the amounts.
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Well speaking of…. These are all the things we complain about EVERYDAY.
Buddy:”I DO know how to make your meal unpleasant and your time under my watch aggravating. Also, we remember the bad ones, forever… so don’t think one little screw up is going to “blow over”….
Next time you’re out eating at a restaurant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it’s what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!
There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to behave or tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.
1. CHILDREN “THE LITTLE DEVILS”:
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD’S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don’t let them scream or run around the restaurant. It’s very distracting not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.
2. “THE CAMPERS”:
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can’t seat it, we don’t make money.
3. “THE VERBAL TIP”:
Telling a server they are the best server they’ve ever had is NOT a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don’t appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave a shitty tip it’s an insult.
4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. Jesus doesn’t pay the bills!! It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we cant pay bills w/prayer cards. We’d go to church on Sundays if it wasn’t mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.
5. TIPPING:
It’s not 1960. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. We’ll break it down for you….just look at the tax line and multiply by 3-4, this gives you your minimum tip amount. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage ($2.65 And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, then $4-5 to the bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make nothing, we actually lose money when people do this. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?
6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because of your food was prepared wrong or you just feel like being an as#%*e, don’t take it out of our tip. We didn’t cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.
7. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restaurant 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. No better yet….don’t come in AT ALL. I’d rather not have the 5 extra dollars you’re going to leave on your $60 check. Thanks anyway… Closed means closed, not social hour. What no one seems to realize is that if customers are there, we are there no matter how late they stay. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night. ** And please, all other rules apply to the servers at Denny’s as well**
8. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing please let us know. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that we are going to have to deal with your attitude the entire time. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to “How are you doing?”. Also stop interrupting our greeting and say “I want coffee”, “Can we get some bread?”, or “What are the soups?” But please there is no need for life stories…we aren’t telling you ours are we? Let us do our job and greet you properly.
9. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Seriously! Get off your phone…This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. All we ask is MAYBE two minutes of your time. So get off your phone. If you want to be rude to the guest with you, by all means, go right ahead.
10. THE IMPATIENT ONES:
Ahh yes… If a server comes to bring out your drinks and she/he is juggling about 5 things don’t ask “Are we going to get some bread???”. Do you not see their hands are full, does it look like you are going to get some bread at that moment. Clearly you will get bread, but unless the server can magically make bread appear, your question is ridiculous. Some people at your table might want their drink first, so thats what I’m bringing right now.
11. THE ONES WHO RUN YOUR ASS OFF:
If a server comes to your table and asks “is there anything else I can get for you?” I want you to tell me everything you need. Don’t ask for one item, have me go and get it and on returning ask me for something else…and then keep doing it. Think of EVERYTHING you will need to make you happy and tell me ALL AT ONE TIME. We do have brains and can remember things… and last time we checked you aren’t the only people in the restaurant, we have other tables that need us, and can’t spend all night running back and forth.
12. ORDER TAKING:
When the server comes by to take your order, don’t say that you are ready if you really aren’t. Although it may seem fun to keep your server standing at your table for endless amounts of time while you actually decide what you want, there are once again other tables and other things that need to be done.
13. ASKING TO SEE THE MANAGER:
If your food sucks and you ask to see the manager don’t make us sound like incompotent as#%*es. We bust our asses to make you happy, we dont cook your food so please STOP taking it out on us
14. 10% SUNDAYS
Just dont go out on sundays. Seriously don’t. Stay home and cook your own food. Sunday is no diffrent then Monday-Saturday yet people love to shaft you on sundays, why? you ask why, i’ll tell you why they already gave their ten percent to god, why should they tip you too? So do us all a favor and stay home. Especially the first week of the month, we dont want a whole $2 out of your welfare check.
15. COME HERE! I NEED YOU NOW!
Do NOT use your finger to call us over to your table! We have names AND you need to have patience!
16. WRAPPING YOUR FOOD UP:
If you would like to bring your food home that is not an inconvience to your server, but just remember to do at least two things. One, give your server everything that you wish to wrap up at once, this saves time and energy. Two, if you want your food packed up, but dont give your server your fork or knife to help push the half eaten cold food into the foam container, they will use something else to do it, like a napkin, or a straw, or sometimes a fork from a nother persons plate, and sometimes their hands. Servers are busy, dont mess with them at the end of the meal, or you might not truely enjoy your leftovers
17. f#&*ing BIRTHDAYS- Here’s a clue- WE HATE BIRTHDAYS. We do not think its funny, cute, or entertaining to have to round up 10 people on a busy saturday night to sing happy birthday to some person while you all pretend to be embarassed and shocked like you didnt know we were going to do it. If its your birthday, heres an idea, do the cake at home!
18. here is another thing… IF YOU AND MANY OTHER FRIENDS, go out to eat together, BRING CASH, stop at an atm and take out some damn money. BECAUSE, you know what happens. ONE as#%*e has to use there credit card, and everyone gives that person cash, and then they are left to decide what the tip is, you would think that they would just leave the tip in cash… but most cases NO they dont. THEN they leave the waiter/waitress a crappy tip and you have no clue this is happening, these people are a shame to EVERYONE lol, but no really they are. SO BRING CASH dont be lazy, because your friends will hate you, and the waiter/waitress will hate your friends, and mostly YOU. thankyou.
If you are a server, have ever been a server, know any servers, or have ever had a server that you liked, please repost this so the word can get out, since so many people are uneducated about tips and our lives depend on this - at least for now…or refer them to the movie “Waiting”
And add anything you think might help other people understand our lives”
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