Sexism: Gonna have to tape my junk back and wear a wig

Is it me, or is there some serious sexual role reversal going on
in the bar industry? How many ads do you see on the internet every week for “female bartenders”? And
most of those ads specify “young and attractive”. Oh but they
don’t forget to add ‘good personality” and also mention
“experience a plus, but will train the right person” Who is the
right person…someone with C cups and a 25 inch waistline? And
others require a photo (some ask for full body shot) and mention
that “no applications will be considered without a photo”I think
it’s terribly unfair that to get a good bar job , you have
to look like a model/stripper. Since when did bartending become a
beauty contest?? I blame places like Coyote Ugly - sure they are
fun, and Liliana Lovell’s formula of beautiful girls+booze=money
works…for them (I went there a few weeks ago and actually had a
good time - I got drunk, and yeah, i spent a lot of money - but
the girls were great, I have to admit) But not every bar in the city
is Coyote Ugly, or Hogs n Heffers, or all the other bars that
copy their style..especially if it’s a bar that serves food, it’s
not likely you are going to be dancing on it.I have been to so
many places that have “beautiful young bartenders”
on staff..who have no personality and can’t make a drink for
their life. All they do is strut around behind the bar, with
their thongs and tits hanging out, flirting with the cute guys,
and practically ignoring most female patrons. And this is the key
to making money??? I have been bartending for almost 5
years..and I am a GREAT bartender - i may not look like a model,
but I am an attractive, ‘full-figured” woman..but not so full
figured that i cannot fit behind the bar! I get a lot of men
hitting on me, telling me im sexy, all the time, so I know I’m no
slouch. And just because I don’t dress like a tramp, doesn’t mean
that I can’t work a bar for all it’s worth! Every bar that I have
ever worked in, people have loved me..they love my service and
personality…they love my jokes and stories.. They love my
cocktails…as well as my ass lol! Yet, after 5 months in NYC, i
can’t get a decent bar job (except for some hack place that
ripped me off). No one will give me a chance to prove myself. It
really makes me wonder if the whole city bar scene has become
obsessed with hiring ‘beautiful’ bartenders..or at least what the
narrow-minded public view as beautiful, because, like Coyote
Ugly, they think it will make them more money. Shit, I would like
these places to see my average bar sales and tips before they
hire some 21 year-old who dresses like a redneck’s wet
dream…and I have had male patrons express to me that they would
rather have an average female, or male bartender with a great
personality and service than some little tramp who is just out to
make a buck.

I’m a 44 year old woman & until fairly recently, I bartended at a high profile restaurant .
. I am honest, fair, accurate with the till and buybacks.
When in charge of the music, I played an entertaining mix of
tunes and could discuss everything from the changing state of
Cher’s face to National policy. I could rock with the 22 years
olds and engage those closer to my own age. I could turn a group
of drunken frat boys into regulars who’d return mid-week with
their girlfriends. I also look damned good for my age… I’m told
I look 34 (and that’s before the beer goggles take over.) I
have a great reputation and most of the places I have worked
would love to have me back ‘in a management capacity.’ Why?
Because they think it makes more sense to hire the
inexperienced beautiful ‘busty’ type because it draws more male
patrons. (Never mind that the conventional wisdom is that bars
should draw women… who, in turn, will draw men…)I even know
men who refuse to go to bars staffed by the gorgeous/clueless who
can’t hold up their side of a conversation or make a decent
martini or are too wrapped up in giggling with the apple martini
crowd at the far end of the bar to notice that people are sitting
in front of empty glasses… Apparently, it is not only possible
to be aged out of working in a bar, it’s possible to be aged out
of frequenting them… That’s the nature of the business
now… even for those with connections. I don’t like it, I sure
as hell don’t understand it, but that’s what it is. I wish I
had some suggestions where to look for a decent gig…

I am a male bartender. The company I work for sees things in
“pretty” much the same way as you describe the bar scene. Our
company philosophy is “it’s not about how you feel, it’s all
about how you look” and I catch myself saying it all the time
now. However, they want both genders of our costumer base
satisfied with the appearance of things. We cater to both male
and female guests. In addition, we have someone at the door that
won’t allow groups of single guys in especially if they look like
the came from Brooklyn or Queens. They only let in single girls,
two or more girls and nice looking couples. That keeps things
really cool at the bar areas. No Yahoos sucking on beer bottles,
howling at the moon and trying to hit on the cute girls. At my
bar, the girls can Chilax and enjoy the company of their friends
without some guy named “Vinny” hitting on them. However, I
understand that most of the bars are hiring ladies with large
gazungas. Like the “older lady” said in that post and I agree
with her, those bars do attract mostly undiscerning male
customers and they are willing to forgo hospitality and customer
service for the sheer pleasure of glancing at silicone. These
bars, to me, look more like gay bars full of “rough trade boys”
and homophobes like the WOP. By the way, I find “older” women
very attractive. I think that I have an Oedipus complex. The only
thing I have to say that may be contrary to the position taken on
that post is that I feel it is fantastically unfair to be faulted
or hated for something as incidental as being born with good
looks. Furthermore, it is all circumstantial. Our society is
fueled by the perception that younger equals better or that
pretty and sexy sells better than homely or unattractive. When
was the last time you overheard two guys talking where one says
to the other… “Oh my GOD man…check out the personality on that
chick” Not very likely. Please don’t hate me or the female
bartenders for an incidental occurrence we had no control over.
It is not my fault that I was born looking this way. We can’t
change that, but maybe you can change the way society defines
beauty. On a personal note, I like the way women look at me when
I am working. I, unlike, women enjoy being regarded as an edible
treat! However, you should know that it does not come easy.
Nobody factors in the grueling time spent at the gym and the
regimentation of diet that simply translate to a lot of self
deprivation in order to keep epidermal fat levels to a minimum so
that my skin is paper thin and snaps tightly into the valleys of
my well sculpted muscles. We have to take off our shirts on
Saturday nights and my six-pack better be an eight pack. You
don’t know how much I fantasize about eating a cheeseburger with
French fries, but I can’t allow that to happen. It’s torture. You
don’t know how lucky you are and how easy you have it. You should
try living in my skin for a week and then you will see for
yourself that it’s not as great as you think, and don’t think for
a moment that I am not aware of the subtle hostility pouring out
of some people who think I have it easier than they do because of
the way I look and I am sick and tired of the implication that
it’s just looks and no brains. That’s not cool at all. Ok, I am
not a rocket scientist but I am no WOP either. Sincerely Yours,Sal

WHO EVER YOU ARE THAT STARTED THIS SITE, I THANK YOU. I ALWAYS
WANTED TO START A SITE LIKE THIS FOR A LONG TIME. I THANK YOU. I
THANK YOU WITH ALL MY BEST WISHES . I HAVE A LOT OF STORIES TO
TELL. WE AS FELLOW WORKERS NEED TO SUPPORT THIS AND HELP EACH
OTHER. THE RESTAURANT INDUSTRY IS SO Fu#*ED UP. IF YOU ARE NOT
PRETTY, A NON ENGLISH SPEAKING ILLEGAL ALIEN OR HAVE BIG TITS AND
ASS, THEY WILL NOT HIRE YOU. I THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THIS GREAT
IDEA.

Are there any male bartenders out there tired of sexual
discrimination and photo only ads being posted by craigslist. We
all know that a bar only interested in hiring a woman, will. But
the blatant perpetuation of this discrimination based on gender
is intolerable and increasingly taken to new levels.IE, Photos
only considered, model types, head shots etc.. My experience has
shown that these establishments have no problem attracting male
clientele. But too many places think that an attractive but
terrible “hot” female will increase business. What they really
need to know is a good male bartender will attract many more
female customers. What female guest wants the bartender to
attract all the attention in the bar? We have scores and hooters
for that. Something should be done! Picket? Attract the
media to this situation? suggestions?

While I am a good looking person, don’t have a hunchback, a hair
lip, or a pronounced limp, I would never ever ever respond to an
ad that required me to send a picture. Whatever one looks like
does not have any indication of whether this person can perform
the duties expected of them. Requiring applicants to submit a
headshot is both discrimination and unethical. What happens if
you gain a few pounds, are they going to fire you? Also if you
feel you have to send a pix, make sure it is a legitimate
business. Don’t send it to a blind ad, who knows what will happen
to your image. Also a lot of ads on craigslist are looking for
info to market stuff to you. You have to be vigilante about
answering the ads. If there is a fax number google it to make
sure it a real establishment. Right now it is an employees
market, don’t forget that. Also never work for RA. Just some
info - My best BOG

I think much of the issue with “headshots” and alot of other
requests and specifications with current restaurant employment
ads has alot to do with the advent of something like Craig’s List
as a venue for restaurant employment advertising, whereas a few
years ago the same ads would have been in something like the NY
Times. The Times would always be policed for discrimination in
employment advertising, but the employers have gotten hip to the
fact that it seems no one is looking (or watching) with ads on
something like Craig’s List. And it really is a problem. I
know you can say that an employer may be looking for a headshot
because he/she wants an “attractive crew”. Of course, given a
public business, there’s nothing wrong with that desire. But what
happens when what really is going on is that the perspective
employer is really trying to screen out people of a certain skin
color? What happens if the employer is really just asking for
photos to screen out those of one sex or another? I think the
answer to this is to really have to start complaining to the City
and State Human Rights Commissions with copies of these ads. The
employers aren’t supposed to be doing this, and that they are all
running to a site where “no one is looking” is providing a
dramatic example of just how discriminatory NYC employers can be,
if given the opportunity to be that way. It’s up to the people
that are seeking employment and confronting this reality, to
speak up about it.

When you get into a real career you’ll see that having big breast’s really doesn’t matter. Women really have no power unless they earn it. They can be cute all they want all it’s gonna get them is attention, which they crave anyway. There is a reason why there are few women stockbrokers and investors. When you start making big bucks you’ll see it is the opposite: men have the power.

I’ve never been a bartender and I don’t work in the restaurant industry, but I am a frequent bar/restaurant patron as well as an HR Representative. This morning my co-worker told me that she’s looking for bartending jobs, but before she could apply she needed to update her portfolio with more recent headshots. Why she needed them didn’t make any sense to me.

That’s when she said, “If you want a job waitressing or bartending, then you need to send a picture with your resume.”

This completely baffled me. I understand if you are hiring ‘brand ambassadors’ for promotional gigs and campaigns, but these are general service positions, and to me, what should matter most are qualifications, years of experience, PERSONALITY and organizational fit. When did that change?

I understand that for an estabilishment to stay relevant and trendy, that (perhaps) every now and then they may have to change their philosophy and/or target market, which may mean making internal changes in order to do so; some changes may include aesthetic improvements to the restaurant, changes in the drink menu, changes in the apps menu etc; and maybe even changes in staff– but to make said changes in staff using purely discriminatory factors is flat out wrong. I understand that it isn’t illegal for the restaurant/hospitality industry to do so, but it doesn’t make it right.

To be fair, I can understand where management is coming from. Using attractive employees of one or even both sexes to draw more customers to their restaurant/bar in order to increase profits (in their opinion) is a plausible idea. Smart idea? Not so much.Especially since (unless I’m wrong) very few people go to a bar just because the staff is young and cute, male or female or whatnot.

I don’t know about everyone else, but my friends and I go to a bar/restaurant because 1. We like the drinks/food 2.We like the prices and 3. We like the atmosphere. We don’t care if the waitstaff or bartenders are young and attractive (and I’m not bashing the young since I’m only 25). If you are going to be a bartender, it shouldn’t matter what your sex is or what you look like as long as you know your stuff. When I come to the counter and I order a sloe gin fizz, I expect my drink, not an awkward, confused silence and a blank stare.

To the man who wrote this post, as a female I understand your frustration. Sexual discrimination and discrimination of any kind isn’t fair. Especially for a qualified, viable candidate such as yourself. I realize that this was posted a year ago, so I hope by now that you’ve found employment in your field and wish you good luck in case you are still looking.